i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
