If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
