so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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