Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
