grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You are a genius and a whore.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
