fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
