I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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