I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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