thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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