remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
