He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You have to summon your inner elephant
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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