Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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