Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
