Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
