i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
