dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
