drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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