I think my fart just growled at me.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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