if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
lets start a swedish sibling band together
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
