every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
