Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
