At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
