Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
