I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize