Her vagina should come with caution tape.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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