I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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