I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
