having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
