So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
