sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
