if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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