mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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