ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
