If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
