If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
