dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
