you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
