you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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