I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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