he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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