don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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