you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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