meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
