Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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