Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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