Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
