Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
