Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
