I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
