Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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