Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
