Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
