It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
