Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
