all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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