so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize