I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
