***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
