Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We left the knife in your bed.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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