U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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