Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
