I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
