He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
