Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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