but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
