this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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