I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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