How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
