Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize