Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
